Choose a calm, private time, describe what you have noticed and listen without trying to win an argument. You cannot force another adult to recover, but you can offer specific help, stop covering up harmful consequences, set boundaries and respond quickly when there is immediate danger.
Prepare for one conversation, not a verdict
Avoid beginning while the person is intoxicated or during a fight. Decide what you actually want to communicate. Use recent, specific observations rather than labels.
For example:
- “I’m worried because you have missed work twice after drinking.”
- “I care about you. Can we talk about what has been happening?”
- “Would you be willing to speak to a doctor or treatment professional with me?”
Ask open questions and allow silence. Listening does not mean agreeing that everything is fine.
Offer practical help
“Let me know if you need anything” can be hard to use. More concrete offers include:
- Sitting with them while they call a doctor or treatment service.
- Helping record recent drinking, withdrawal symptoms or consequences.
- Attending an open mutual-support meeting as an observer where permitted.
- Looking after children or transport while they attend an assessment.
- Comparing treatment questions without choosing solely on marketing.
If Bali treatment is being considered, start with the rehab in Bali guide and an appropriate assessment rather than booking around urgency alone.
Do not make promises you cannot keep
Support is different from repeatedly lying to employers, paying alcohol-related debts or shielding someone from every consequence. Decide what you will and will not do, communicate it clearly and follow through.
A boundary describes your action: “I will not get in a car with you after you have been drinking.” It is not a threat designed to control someone else.
Look after yourself
Living with another person’s drinking can affect sleep, money, parenting, safety and mental health. Speak to someone you trust, seek professional support and consider a family fellowship such as Al-Anon where available.
You are allowed to make decisions about your own safety and home even if the person does not accept help.
Recognise immediate risk
Seek urgent help when there is loss of consciousness, difficulty breathing, seizure, severe confusion, violence, immediate risk of self-harm or other medical danger.
If someone may be physically dependent on alcohol, do not insist that they abruptly stop at home as a condition of your support. Withdrawal can require medical care.
If the first conversation does not work
Change often takes more than one conversation. End a discussion that becomes unsafe or abusive. Return to the subject at a calmer time, keep the offer of appropriate help clear and maintain your boundaries.
If the person is willing to consider treatment, read Do I need rehab? together and arrange a professional assessment.
Sources and verification
- https://www.samhsa.gov/find-support/helping-someone — listening, support and limits on forcing care.
- https://www.samhsa.gov/mental-health/children-and-families/coping-resources — family support and starting a conversation.
- https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/treatment-alcohol-problems-finding-and-getting-help — treatment options and advice for families.
Last reviewed 13 July 2026. This is general information. If you or another person is unsafe, contact local emergency or protective services.